You know how sometimes the weather matches your mood exactly
and you’re like “this is some badly-written-novel bullshit is what this is,”
but that observation changes neither the weather nor your mood because nature
is a fucking philistine? Yeah. Well, that. Me. Right now.
Saturday is my grandma’s funeral. She was ninety-nine when
she passed, and all but the last year of her life she was sharp of mind and
wit. If you’ve never been burned by someone pushing the century mark, you just
don’t…can’t….fully appreciate the beauty of craft honed over many, many decades. She was hilarious, and she was also one of the most loving people I've known.
I was really lucky. Most people don’t get to have a
grandparent around this long. For a lot of people, age takes the mind years
before it destroys the body. Grandma only had to put up with a year of
full-blown dementia. Even through that, she never forgot me. There’s a lot to
be grateful for in that fact. But right now, gratitude is just a concept. Right
now, I just feel a terrible, dull ache and the knowledge that things will never
go back to the way they were.
Right now, it feels like grief has no end.
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