You ever get so behind on something that you just refuse to look at it or acknowledge its existence at all? This blog has kind of fallen into that well of nope for me for a while. It isn’t that I wasn’t writing. I was writing, alright. Just not this. Haven’t the faintest clue why. I had plenty of ideas for posts, but somehow every time I opened a word doc and started in on a new blog post, I was awash in tidal wave of “Nope. Fuck it.”
Over a month of “Nope. Fuck it” had generated a nearly self-sustaining engine of avoidance. But sometimes the only solution to that almost insurmountable dread is to grit your teeth and do the thing.
The same thing was going on with my running. Last year’s good intentions ended up getting sidetracked with a host of illnesses and minor injuries, and I fell into a pattern of fairly derpy, inconsistent running. Which is fine, if all you want to do is get a little exercise. The problem is, I don’t. I want to run marathons. You don’t run marathons on the basis of “do I feel like it today.” Because if you’re remotely sane, you aren’t going to feel like it. Sane people feel like sleeping in and maybe having some leftover pizza.
Memorial day weekend, I selected a training program and started back in on the running. I did a three-mile training run just this evening. Stupidly, it was on a totally empty stomach in the heat, but I did the thing. Even though all I really wanted to do was drink a beer, play some Warcraft and go to bed. I did the thing. And I will keep doing the thing, rain or shine. Easy or difficult
And now I’m writing this thing. And I’m putting it out there. It’s not the best thing I’ve ever written or the funniest or most inspiring. But it’s done. And if I keep doing it, week after week, It might just turn into something.
One thing is certain, the need just won’t go away if I don’t look at it.